A close ally of the later Otters (who i think actually took a drunken oath and antler danced at some point), was my good friend, Squeaky. We had been pals for years, and one of our favorite activities was almost getting him accidentally killed by performing various (somewhat to incredibly) ill-advised physical activities.

I cant remember why we were in the gym after school, i can only assume it has something to do with some high school play or bogus theater activity (it was all pretty bogus after miss wiz left, but she's another story, possibly for roman...i think they 'did it'). Oh, wait I remember, we were waiting for Squeak's athletic girlfriend, Tiffany.

Anyway, we were bored and snuck into an unlocked room that had a bunch of gymnastic mats in it. I thought it would be a really smart and interesting thing to do to run across the room as fast as we could and dive roll into the big crash mat against the wall.

So I ran, I dove, I rolled,popped back up, felt a little sick, but somehow groovy.
Squeaky was ready! He ran, he dove, he rolled at incredible speed...i think his rolling actually increased his momentum, he pushed off with his legs, and smashed his forehead full-force against the concrete brick wall. He bounced back from the wall like his head was a kickball. A home run, even. He landed in a pile and kind of unfolded like a squinched straw with water applied. He writhed silently for a little while on the crash mat while my mind raced to figure out our next move. I could hide his body under the crash mat! Actually, i was deciding whether i should run for an ambulance. From the impact, I was surprised his head hadn't just collapsed.

Before I did anything, he picked himself up and was laughing hysterically, holding his hand to his forehead, where there was the beginnings of what was to become a cracked astrodome of a goose egg. The first thing we had to do was hide it from Tiffany.

That failed completely, as she knew something was up by our furtive manner, and because the head wound was the nastiest one Ive ever seen to this day. Squeaky had kind of a big head, too, it the thing was on my head, you probably couldn't have seen my face. When Tiffany saw the thing, before we said anything about how it happened, she immediately flew into a feral rage and began hitting me in the head very hard.

We had wanted to hide Squeak's wound because she was a very violent woman. Well, luckily for Squeaky she had guessed the general origin of the issue, and was beating the crap out of it.

Later she helped us hide the wound from his parents, with slightly more success.

She may have thought that squeaky's accidental manglings in my company were a bad thing for him, but I know better. Thanks perhaps to that or other fateful days, squeaky is now one of the worlds leading physicists and a master of kung fu. As for the lovely Tiffany, she's probably in a women's prison somewhere and doing quite well for herself. All my best to them both.


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